Tickle my funny bone

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Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 25, 2009 at 11:17am

Sometimes when you are angry with someone,

It helps to sit down,

take a moment to cool off,

and think about the problem.

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 24, 2009 at 3:59pm

Comment by Sandi Rubin on November 24, 2009 at 3:44pm

a very dinified dowager was seated in a restaurant. as her waiter, approached, she noticed that he was scratching his derriere. The lady beckoned to him and asked" Do you have hemorroids?"
Snapped the waiter." Only whats on the menu, Lady."

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 24, 2009 at 11:31am

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters, had promised their
uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to
bury him at sea when he died.

In due time, he did pass away, and the two blondes kept
their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their
uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded him onto
their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles said, "Do you think we're out far
enough, Barbie?"

Barbie slipped over the side. Finding the water only knee
deep, she said, "Nope, not yet, Bubbles." So they rowed a
little farther out.

Again Bubbles asked Barbie, "Do you think we're out far
enough now?"

Once again Barbie slipped over the side and almost
immediately said, "No, this will never do; the water is only
up to my chest."

So on they rowed and rowed and rowed, and finally Barbie
slipped over the side and disappeared. Quite a bit of time
went by, and poor Bubbles was really getting worried when
suddenly Barbie broke the surface, gasping for breath.

"Well, is it deep enough yet, sis?"

"Yes, finally. Hand me the shovel."

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 23, 2009 at 9:32am

A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:


"FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!!"

I guess there aren't many farms in Detroit ...

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 21, 2009 at 10:40am

Texas Sheriff's Exam


A man seeking to join a South Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed. The sergeant conducting the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must complete before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "I want you to take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six terrorist extremists, Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton, Nancy Pelosi and a rabbit."


"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 16, 2009 at 11:52am

Just think... if the Indians had given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey, we would all be having a piece of ass this Thanksgiving!!

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 16, 2009 at 6:27am

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 13, 2009 at 4:39am

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills
In your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?
If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 12, 2009 at 6:55am

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