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Madeas 10 rules for Thanksgiving
Subject: madeas 10 rules for thanksgiving
Body: 10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE
>
> 1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. 'Who made the
> potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the
> greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie
> is that; who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your
> mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything.
>
> 2. If you can't walk, or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until
> someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be
> independent. Nibble on them damn peanuts and walnuts to hold you over
> until someone makes you a plate.
>
> 3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little
> asses down to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not
> going to tear up my damn house this year. Tell them that they are not
> allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family
> stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason
> except that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their
> asses.
>
> 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE!
> We do not care that you are thankful that your thirteen year old daughter
> gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save the
> talk for someone that gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one
> minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel
> something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for
> approximately 20 minutes.
>
> 5. Finish everything on your plate before you go for seconds! If you
> don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next
> year.
>
> 6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a
> plate in my good tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it
> again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you
> making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.
>
> 7. What you came with is what you should leave with! Do not leave my
> house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED
> TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
>
> 8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
> This is not a DAYCARE CENTER . There will be a kid parent roll call every ten
> minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your
> child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours,
> I will call ACS on you ignorant ass!!
>
> 9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
> sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat your dinner then take
> your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 11:00 pm.
> You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
>
> 10. Last but not least; ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
> kitchen. I an not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner. You will be
> supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropiate amount
> will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at
> the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a
> credit card machine. So Visa and Mastercard are now being accepted.
Body: 10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE
>
> 1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. 'Who made the
> potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the
> greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie
> is that; who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your
> mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything.
>
> 2. If you can't walk, or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until
> someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be
> independent. Nibble on them damn peanuts and walnuts to hold you over
> until someone makes you a plate.
>
> 3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little
> asses down to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not
> going to tear up my damn house this year. Tell them that they are not
> allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family
> stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason
> except that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their
> asses.
>
> 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE!
> We do not care that you are thankful that your thirteen year old daughter
> gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save the
> talk for someone that gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one
> minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel
> something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for
> approximately 20 minutes.
>
> 5. Finish everything on your plate before you go for seconds! If you
> don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next
> year.
>
> 6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a
> plate in my good tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it
> again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you
> making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.
>
> 7. What you came with is what you should leave with! Do not leave my
> house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED
> TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
>
> 8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
> This is not a DAYCARE CENTER . There will be a kid parent roll call every ten
> minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your
> child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours,
> I will call ACS on you ignorant ass!!
>
> 9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
> sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat your dinner then take
> your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 11:00 pm.
> You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
>
> 10. Last but not least; ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
> kitchen. I an not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner. You will be
> supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropiate amount
> will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at
> the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a
> credit card machine. So Visa and Mastercard are now being accepted.
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