Tickle my funny bone

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Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 14, 2009 at 10:25am

"BAIL'EM OUT!!! ????
Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.. They failed and it closed. Now, we are trusting the economy of our country, our banking system, our auto industry and possibly our health plans to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey?!"
"What are we thinking"

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 13, 2009 at 4:45pm

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties
And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness
And kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor
Came to call on her and she showed him
into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea...
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ,
The young minister Noticed a cut glass bowl Sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled With water, and in the water
Floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned With tea and scones,
They began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity
About the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
Miss Beatrice', he said,
'I wonder if you would tell me about this?'
Pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through The Park a few months ago
And I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said To place it on the organ,
Keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 13, 2009 at 11:16am

A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 13, 2009 at 8:05am

Comment by Doug Kimsey on October 11, 2009 at 9:03am

Daddy, how was I born?..........

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 11, 2009 at 7:40am

Those Irish jokes are hilarious Sandi !

Comment by Sandi Rubin on October 10, 2009 at 11:18pm

Irish Jokes

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. Brenda May I come In? he asks.I've somethin to tell you. Of course you can come in, you are always welcome.Tim. but where is my husband.?
That's what I 'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an ccident down at the Guinness Brewery. Oh God No! cries Brenda. Please don't tell me
I must Brenda, Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'msorryFinally she looked up at Tims. "How did it happen, Tim?" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.
"Oh my dear Jesus!, But you must tell me true. Tim, Did he least go quickly?"
Well Brenda. no.. in fact he got out three times to pee........

Mary Clancy goes to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service and she is in tears. He says."So what is bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says: "Oh Father, I've got terrible newss. My husbabd passed away last night."
The priest says: "Oh, mary, that's terrible. Tell me,Mary did he have any last requests?"
She says:" That he did Father".
The priest says: What did he ask,Mary?"She says: He said, Please Mary put down that damn gun...
THE BEST FOR LAST!!
a drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a
confessional booth sits down but says nothing. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention. but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, The Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles. "ain;t no use knockin, there's no paper on this side neither."

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 10, 2009 at 4:09pm

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 10, 2009 at 2:11pm

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.
So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said 'OK take off all your crose.' The woman did as she was told. 'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.' Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said 'OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.' So she did. Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said 'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.'
Worried the woman asked anxiously 'Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease?'
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied 'Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass.

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 9, 2009 at 1:03pm

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd..

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that
with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with
joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their
hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day they will rejoice!"
Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that; with one little wave of your hand? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.

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