Tickle my funny bone

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Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on December 16, 2009 at 9:02am

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on December 15, 2009 at 5:51am

I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again.
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again.
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again
I'm never drinking again

Comment by Sandi Rubin on December 14, 2009 at 2:47pm

I wish all my funny friends(lol) a Very Merry Christmas and may all your blessings come true. keep the jokes coming they are funny thank you

Comment by Doug Kimsey on December 14, 2009 at 8:20am

LOL!!! You go Ray !!

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on December 14, 2009 at 7:40am

I guess you have heard...Obama will not be making future public speeches in Texas. He claims every time he gets up on stage to make a speech, some West Texas cotton farmer starts bidding on him.

Comment by Beverly Thoma~Bullock on December 12, 2009 at 12:41pm

<<br \>Get One At - Friendster Comments

Comment by MtCrazyLady on December 12, 2009 at 3:13am

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Chris tmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Chris tmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Comment by Phillip Musel on December 11, 2009 at 10:14pm

thank finger nice

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on December 11, 2009 at 5:47pm

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on December 11, 2009 at 5:46pm

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