Tickle my funny bone

Comment

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 23, 2009 at 9:32am

A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:


"FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!!"

I guess there aren't many farms in Detroit ...

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 21, 2009 at 10:40am

Texas Sheriff's Exam


A man seeking to join a South Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed. The sergeant conducting the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must complete before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "I want you to take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six terrorist extremists, Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton, Nancy Pelosi and a rabbit."


"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 16, 2009 at 11:52am

Just think... if the Indians had given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey, we would all be having a piece of ass this Thanksgiving!!

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 16, 2009 at 6:27am

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 13, 2009 at 4:39am

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills
In your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?
If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 12, 2009 at 6:55am

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 11, 2009 at 5:52am

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 11, 2009 at 5:41am

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, April 2009, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women .

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.


It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional

6) Couldn't drive..

7) Failed to think rationally, and

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary!!

Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer!

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 9, 2009 at 2:14pm

There are tremendous curtural differances in people from the north and folks in the south !
None are more noticable than the telling of nusery rymes .
A northern father will say "Gather around children father has a story to share "
And he will then say "Once upon a time"..................
A southern daddy will say "Yawl younguns com'er daddy wants tell you som'pen"
Daddy will then pop his beer can open and say .
"Yawl ain't gonna believe this shit"

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on November 9, 2009 at 12:59pm

A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got
married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'.
In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields,
they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they
made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to
travel home and another half hour to return to the fields
and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally
Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
"Homer," said the doctor, "just take your
rifle out to the field with you and when you're in the
mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be
Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't
lose any field time."

They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while
until
one day, when Homer came back to the doctor's office.
"What's wrong?" asked the Doc.
"Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked real good," said Homer.
"Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like
you said and Darlene'd come runnin'. We'd find a
secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home
agin."
"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked
the Doc.
"Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain't seen her
since huntin' season started."

• First
• Previous
• Next
• Last