Tickle my funny bone

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Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 27, 2009 at 11:30am

"Is your Dad home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the farmer, "is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to
the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know
where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one Or maybe I could
take a message for Dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your
Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about
that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges
$500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much
he gets for Howard."

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 27, 2009 at 10:37am

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston . "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know yourname.



"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba."

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 27, 2009 at 10:30am

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 27, 2009 at 10:27am

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 27, 2009 at 10:27am

Comment by Sandi Rubin on October 26, 2009 at 6:56pm

carol burnett that was funny and they were always funny

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 26, 2009 at 4:59pm

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 26, 2009 at 2:16pm

Speaking German in Texas

Near Fredericksburg , Texas , where there is a large German-speaking
population, a farmer walking down a country road notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand.

The farmer shouted: 'Trink das Wasser nicht. Die Kuehe haben da rein geschissen.'
(This means: ‘Don’t drink the water, the cows have crapped in it.')

The man shouted back: 'I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan, I can't understand you. Please speak in English.'

The farmer replied: 'Use two hands, you'll get more.’

Comment by Doug Kimsey on October 26, 2009 at 11:47am

LOL!!!

Comment by Ray a.k.a. Mongrel-American on October 26, 2009 at 9:47am

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up
for a week or so, Sam really got worried.



However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then
he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'

Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'
'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Mary, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

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